| In Which Adrian Has A Child. |
[07 Aug 2009|09:50pm] |
Parvati and I finally agreed on a CREATURE. It's a HIDEOUS MONSTER with FANGS and CLAWS and BLOODY RED EYES and it FEASTS UPON LESSER PETS AND--
Okay, actually, it's a wittle bitty albino bunny. We named it Devi, short for Devourer of Souls, and it's the sweetest ickle baby you ever did see.
But the BLOODY RED EYES part is true.
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| In Which Adrian wants a pet. |
[11 Jul 2009|09:13pm] |
Someone please tell my wife that echidnas are cute and cuddly and that their spikes are no big deal. I really want one! I'd make it wear socks!
(But if any of you fuckheads cross me, I'm gonna throw that spiky shit at you. Just saying.)
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| On Animals and Short Attention Spans |
[23 Jun 2009|03:08pm] |
I really want a pet. Not like some dumb run-of-the-kennel pet, but an AWESOME pet. Like an anteater. An anteater would be just the ticket, don't you think? I mean, for starters, it's got that impressive schnozz. Not to mention the fact that it EATS FUCKING ANTS. So it's a pest control thing AND a great pet.
Parvati says that if it's larger than a breadbox, it's out, but I'm working on her. Do any of you have decent suggestions for a cool pet? If you suggest "cat", "dog", "fish", or "small-rodent-of-various-varieties" of any sort, you're dead to me. I think I've made it clear that I expect AWESOME.
Also, no "bird" suggestions. Especially not macaws. I can't fucking stand macaws. They're just loud attention-seekers, with all their colourful feathers that look like they got lost on their way to the Gentleman's Poofter Parade. Gag me. Fucking macaws.
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| In which Adrian has opinions. |
[15 Jun 2009|09:07pm] |
OKAY I have to write something here, because I hate it when people get all stroppy at one another, at least over boring stupid shite that's not gonna end in blood or something equally funny, so here you have it:
PARENTS STOP EATING EACH OTHER JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE WORSE THAN FUCKING CANNIBALS.
And I KNOW CANNIBALS, mates, so I can make that value judgment.
Live and let live. Parents always fuck up. ALWAYS. I don't know a single good parent that hasn't been a fuckhead once or twice. And we're not always gonna agree or disagree on what constitutes a good parent, so everyone just needs to CALM THE FUCK DOWN and get lives.
Judgy McJudgerson, Christ.
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| In Which Adrian has had it. |
[26 May 2009|08:30am] |
For the LAST TIME PEOPLE...
In third person, the mermish verb "to read" ("le'ire") is IRREGULAR, conjugating in a pattern much like the following:
Gre le'igo ba ruula.
NOT:
Gre le'ire ba ruula.
THEY ARE MAKING UP WORDS. SO HELP ME MERLIN. MY STUDENTS ARE MAKING UP WORDS.
I wrote the conjugation on the board TWICE and then I SUBTLY HINTED that it would BE ON THE FUCKING TEST and yet NONE OF THEM GOT IT RIGHT OH GOD IT'S ME ISN'T IT, I'M A BAD FUCKING TEACHER, THEY'RE ALL GONNA FAIL AND IT'LL BE MY FAULT AND WHERE'S MY POTION I NEED TO LAY DOWN BEFORE I HURT MYSELF AND OTHERS.
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| In which Adrian has a new approach to grading. |
[14 May 2009|11:14am] |
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I'm never assigning essays again. They are fucking impossible to grade. True or false - I want that SWEET DICHOTOMY of right versus wrong. No possibilities. No potential for gray area. Just a quick mark of the pen and it's finally OVER.
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| In Which Adrian Has Needs. NEEDS, PEOPLE. |
[22 Apr 2009|01:19pm] |
Okay, right, yes, great day for all and sundry; I'm so fucking happy about kids getting to take their damn tests and going on to become fine little socially-upright creatures of the night or whatever; it's a happy day for all and I'm sure it's very inspiring and important and whatever, but IN MORE IMPORTANT NEWS:
Dear Fuckhead-Who-Refuses-to-Clean-Out-The-Coffee-Pot-at-The-End-of-The-Night,
Your stubbornness is extraordinary. I've helpfully put fresh filters and a nice big bottle of Miss Melody's Cleaning Potion RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING POT, and yet I come in at an unholy hour EVERY FUCKING MORNING to a lukewarm pot of OLD FUCKING COFFEE.
This is fucking appalling. Have you ever mistaken old coffee for new coffee? I'd rather put my mouth on a sixty-five-year-old hooker with an acute case of pus-filled gargoyles. And coffee is fucking important. It's FUCKING IMPORTANT, OKAY? I NEED IT. I NEED IT LIKE I NEED AIR. I'm a WHOLE LOT LESS PLEASANT WITHOUT IT.
If I catch the pot UNCLEAN and UNTENDED-TO ONE MORE MORNING, I'm gonna find the culprit, and I'm gonna hit him SO FUCKING HARD IN THE BOLLOCKS that he's gonna hafta put his arm down his throat to wank.
Sincerely,
Adrian
PS: Seriously, people. SERIOUSLY. What the seizure-inducing FUCK?!
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| ALAS MY HEAD IS FRUITY. |
[06 Apr 2009|02:10pm] |
IN CASE you were wondering why I smelled simply DELICIOUS today, I accidentally used Parvati's shampoo. It was in an orange bottle and it LOOKED manly, and when I read the label it said "MAN GO" so I assumed it was for a MAN ON THE GO, but then after I put it on my head, I realised that it meant the fucking FRUIT, as in MANGOS, but it was too late, and I smelled delightfully fresh.
Christ I've got to grade but I keep getting distracted by my awesomeness.
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| Subject Number Whatever [Warded Faculty Only after Padma Bitched at Me] |
[22 Mar 2009|08:37pm] |
My Question: So why did you fuckfaces become teachers? Answer in thirty words or less; I don't want to hear your "children are our future and education makes a difference" bullshit.
My Answer:: I wanted to impress my girlfriend Parvati with my grown-up job that had nothing to do with either bouncing at clubs or anything illegal. And I like destroying idyllic innocence.
Oh and before I forget - I want my selfish having-sex-on-the-counter-whenever-I-want "not-currently-breeding" holiday. Honor me sometime, dammit.
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| I survived! [Faculty & Staff & Affiliated of RLA] |
[17 Feb 2009|03:25pm] |
That was the BEST DANCE EVER and thank you everyone who helped! Those concerned about my mental health need not worry; Parvati gives excellent cranium massages and thankfully did not divorce me. She is the BEST WIFE - nay, BEST PERSON - ever, and deserves more than the chocolate and jewelry I bestowed upon her lovely feet as offerings on the fourteenth.
In other news - I'm doing a chapter on "Appreciating Diversity". Yawn, I know. I would totally sleep through this shit in school if I were a student. So in the effort of livening up my curriculum, I've decided that the best way to appreciate diversity is to have maybe a series of guest lecturers from our own faculty that have had experiences traveling around the world and learning various quirks and intriguing facts of other magical cultures! Non-humans, I'm looking at you! People who sleep-with-the-fishes, I'm looking at you! People who've played anthropologist, I'm looking at you! Even if you lot have a particularly good travel story or a story of inter-cultural cooperation, I'm totally game for including your experiences in the learning plan. I'm thinking that each "lecture" need only last for fifteen minutes; I'm not gonna make you people do ALL the work. Just please leave out any shit that's not positive; this is our government-required "COOPERATION IS GOOD" chapter. The "THE WORLD IS A DEEP DARK PLACE WITH NO HOPE OF SALVATION" chapter comes later.
Toss me an idea! I'm all ears and egregious over-confidence.
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| [Warded to Faculty] |
[07 Feb 2009|08:47pm] |
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You're ALL coming to my Valentines Day dance, right?
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| In Which Adrian Has Bit Off More Than He Can Chew [Warded to RLA F/S + Affiliated] |
[28 Jan 2009|09:29pm] |
Oh my CHRIST my head is fucking killing me and I have so many papers to grade and THIS IS WHY I said in the beginning that I wanted everything to be fucking MULTIPLE CHOICE because then it doesn't take all that long to get through but NOOOO I just had to go the extra pitch and really make them write. Beelzebub on a broomstick, that was a fucking awful notion.
And the Valentines Day party is going to be the BEST FUCKING EVER, and that's all there is to it. NO OTHER OPTIONS.
( Warded Private )
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| [Warded to Staff + Faculty] |
[21 Jan 2009|01:40pm] |
That's right, bitches!
Valentines Day is MINE!!
I will of course accept ideas and theories and suggestions and all that sort of stuff, provided that they don't SUCK BEYOND THE TELLING OF IT.
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| [Warded to R.L.A. Staff + Faculty] |
[17 Jan 2009|10:02pm] |
Q.: What's the best part of going home half-drunk to shag your lovely, beautiful wife?
A.: Dunno, still doing it. MERLIN I LOVE THE SODDING WEEKEND.
Tomorrow, will be good and will grade those STUPID MOTHERFUCKING ESSAYS I was HALFWIT enough to assign. Note to self: oral examinations from now on. Easier to grade. Quicker, too. More time to shag, after.
Speaking of, back later! Wife's calling. Work, work, work!
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| Christmas Project Time! [Warded to the R.L.A.] |
[12 Jan 2009|05:25pm] |
Hullo, hullo, hullo!
So I thought I'd kickstart this school year with a VERY SERIOUS ACADEMIC project. My perfect and beautiful wife Parvati suggested that I find something that's not controversial or whatever to write on so I can stay in everyone's good graces, or something like that, I wasn't paying much attention because she was wearing what I bought her for Christmas.
ANYWAY. Once a week or maybe once a month if I'm busy, or maybe like... once every few entries or SOMETHING like that I'm going to write out interesting ETYMOLOGIES of VERY IMPORTANT words. For those of you who teach fluff subjects, etymology is where words come from. Like their family tree, you know, with branches and dead-ends and crazy Aunt Melba and the like. So to kickstart this school year, I, Adrian Hortensio Pucey, bring you:
( The History of Fuck )
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